I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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