how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just gift wrapped bread.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
