Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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