So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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