By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
