It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
