My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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