How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
