I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
