i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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