Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
