and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did I show you my penis last night?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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