Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
