that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sext me about skeletons
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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