New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
