she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
