It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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