I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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