were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
