You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
