put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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