Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
