Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
