Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
