He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
