He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
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