The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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