Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
