Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
