i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
