I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
