Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
