I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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