"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
