i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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