Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
