IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
