I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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