My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
