i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
