Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
