I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
