God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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