Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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