Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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