Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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