But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
thus making me awesome and them whores
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
