Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
