Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
