There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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