he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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